The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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