So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
