I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize