She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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