i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
