Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
