i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
