She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
