my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
