you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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