Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
