Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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