Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
