i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
