Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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