3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
