ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
