The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
