Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
