I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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