from now on my penis is your penis
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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