what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
