omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
