I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
