wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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