I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
