You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
