I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
