just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
