I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
