I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
