hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
