I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize