im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
