Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
