Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My vagina is officially offended.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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