Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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