bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
