so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
