FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize