I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
