Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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