it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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