i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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