Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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