My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
