We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
