I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
