If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
