i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
