Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
