I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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