So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize