she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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