Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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