if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
