im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
