I hate your face
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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