Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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