someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
