I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
