i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
whose parrot is this?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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